I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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