I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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