Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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