so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want a musical about memes.
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