Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf