I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.