went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize