Having a random hookup so left but love u
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.