he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob