"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
