woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
