I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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