Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
