You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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