Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize