you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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