These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
