That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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