K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
