We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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