whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
