i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
