roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
