Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
