I just saw a hot homeless man
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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