when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
