I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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