I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
