I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
