Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
