3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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