her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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