Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
thus making me awesome and them whores
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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