Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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