Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
