I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
