anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
