I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much