I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
