yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
