billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
