Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
