I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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