hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
