I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I believe in your delicious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
