I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
