How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
