I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
