I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
