he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
