hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
