That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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