After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
