smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
