It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone says I win the strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
