i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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