mondays should just be called national damage control day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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