In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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