Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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