Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize