I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
