I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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