I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
