do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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