? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
