Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
