On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
