Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
