you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
