While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
