I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
